We get a new Mean Jeans album one week from Saturday! Their collected singles are coming out on an LP from Dirtnap, and in preparation I’m going to drink malt liquor every day to purify my body and focus on reaffirming my belief in the teachings of the Church of Mean Jeans:

1) Don’t stop partying.

2) Be tight to each other.

3. Did you stop partying while reading this? That’s bogus, and you should get back to partying.

Thursday, March 12th

Gym Shorts, Dirt Cheap Date
Bric-a-Brac Records & Collectibles, 3156 West Diversey Avenue
5:30pm / AA / BYOB

Death Injection, Abduction, Scary and the Scrapers, Ritalin OD
Old Mount Happy
7pm / $5-7 sliding scale

Archie Powell and the Exports, Me Like Bees, The Noise FM
Archie Powell’s been around for years, but at this point I think they’re gonna be “that band that did the Malort song” forever.
Emporium Arcade Bar, 1366 Milwaukee Avenue
9pm / Free / 21+

Flesh Panthers, Gym Shorts, Absolutely Not, Bihari Beach, Basement Family
DUDES I’M SO HAPPY BIHARI BEACH IS PLAYING OUT AGAIN! Those dudes are super great.
Wally World
9:05pm / BYOB / donations please / 21+

Friday, March 13th

Christines, Friendlys, Perfume, Sueves
Bric-a-Brac Records & Collectibles, 3156 West Diversey Avenue
5:30pm / AA / BYOB

Brain Tumors, Public Assault, Thumbsuckers, Udusic
Old Mount Happy
7pm / $5-7 sliding scale

Sin Orden, Scoundrel, Youth Crush, Angry Gods
Sin Orden have been around forever and it’s rad to get a chance to see them. Classic Chicago Latino hardcore in the tradition of Los Crudos.
The Friendzone
7pm / $5

The Rubs, The Fuckers, MAMA, The Obleeks
Auxiliary Art Center, 3012 West Belmont Avenue
7pm / $7 / 21+

Killermoon, Vamos, Bad Dreams
Y’all know we love Vamos.
Emporium Arcade Bar, 1366 Milwaukee Avenue
8pm / Free / 21+

Paul Cherry, Bogrot, Mope Grooves
Weirdo femme meme-artist and pop star Paul Cherry is going to be hosting a meat auction. I’m going to place the chances of some sausage-based sex act happening on stage at about one hundred percent.
Cole’s Bar, 2338 North Milwaukee Avenue
Free / 21+

Nones, Buckingham Palace SVU
This is such a weirdo loud noisey show to happen in a tiny one-room bar with no stage and free cheez poofs. Which is exactly why I want to go.
Archie’s Iowa Rockwell Tavern, 2600 West Iowa Street
10pm / Free / 21+

Saturday, March 14th

Haki, Evasive Backflip, Truman and His Trophy, Post-Child
The Flowershop
8pm / $5 / ends at midnight

Jollys, Glyders, Dumpster Babies, The Rubs, Dad Jr
South side house show fun times. Dumpster Babies are Store Brand Soda fam. Look out for ya girl having an anxiety attack in the corner because I don’t leave the house anymore.
Ratt House
8pm / Free

Yeesh, Oshwa, Advaeta, Kangaroo
Yeesh record release!
Observatory
8pm / $5

Brendan and the Black Jackets, Richard Album and the Singles, Male/Men
Male/Men is one of Magic-Ian-of-Wally-World’s five million bands. They’re pretty rad and not associated officially with the United States Postal Service.
Cole’s Bar, 2338 North Milwaukee Avenue
10pm / 21+ / Free