Your Show Horoscope: March & April 2015

Instead of just writing a list of all the shows happening (which you can always find on our calendar), I made personalized show recommendations for people with different taste and needs! Think of it as your personal party horoscope, except based on more concrete facets of your personality rather than what stars were swimming around in the sky while your mom squeezed you out.

FOR PEOPLE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY

You have a list of venues that you won’t go to that’s longer than the list of venues you like. The Aragon? Nah. Logan Square Auditorium? Nope. Pitchfork? Ha ha ha ha ha. You almost made me choke on my Ativan, dude.

You prefer in-stores, where you can wedge yourself between two bins of used vinyl and drink beers out of your purse until you forget that your lungs are threatening to collapse in an anxiety-implosion and actually appreciate the music, or at least stop glaring at the dude who keeps violating your personal bubble and brushing against your elbow. Barring that, you like your venues to have at least a little chill and a clear escape route.

Tinkerbelles, Burn Permits, Calyx, Bad Dreams, Glad Rags
Auxiliary Art Center
Friday, 4/3 at 7pm, $7

Ok, so Auxiliary Art Center is a little cramped, with a high likelihood of Lucas crowdsurfing onto your face and breaking your favorite glasses (NO, I HAVEN’T GOTTEN OVER IT, OK). However, Powell Brewing usually serves up free fancy beers, allowing you to get to wasted enough to relax and enjoy yourself.

The Bingers, Glyders
California Clipper
Monday, 4/6 at 8pm, Free

In my experience Cali Clip shows run hella on punk time, but if you show up on time you can snag a booth. A reassuring, protective booth all to yourself.

Buck Biloxi and the Fucks, Heavy Lids, MAMA, Mac Blackout Band
Auxiliary Art Center
Friday 4/10 at 7pm, $7

This is a really rad line-up in a really small space.

Flesh Panthers, NE-HI
Plumbers Hall
Saturday 4/11 at 11:30am, $7

Chirp Record Fair. For extra chillness, spend $25 on early admission from 8-10am. Almost no one will be there, and it allows readmission all day long in case you need to go lay down in your room and breathe deeply for a little bit.

FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE CUTE THINGS

The kawaii aesthetic rules your life. Your bathroom is a pristine shrine to Hello Kitty. You own shoes with little kitty cat faces on the toes, you know who Purin is, and you’ve dyed your hair cotton candy pink with Manic Panic at least once.

Shouldn’t the music you listen to be as cute as your vintage My Little Pony Collection?

Gar Gar Band, Dream Version, George John Larson
Chicago Access Network Studios, 322 S. Green St. Chicago IL
Saturday 3/28 at 3pm, Free

This is a Chic-a-Go-Go taping. Chic-a-Go-Go, if you’re not aware, is a public access TV show where “kids of all ages” dance to cool tunes. There’s always cool old punk parents and little toddlers in tiny leather jackets wandering in front of the camera at inopportune moments. Aww.

Peach Kelli Pop, Frankie Teardrop
Empty Bottle
Monday 4/13 at 9pm, Free

Peach Kelli Pop plays the sweetest sugariest dream pop. It’s like, the kind of music a manic pixie dream girl with perfect hair and a polka-dotted dress would listen to on her toy record player while laying on her floor and sighing about her crush on you.

Sheer Mag, Muscles Plant, Coneheads, MAMA
Albion Haus
Monday 4/13 at 8pm, $7

The bassist and guitarist in Sheer Mag are brothers! THASS ADORABLE.

Get Up with the Get Downs, Nasty Snacks, Cole DeGenova, Charles Walker Band
Subterranean
Saturday 4/18 at 8:30, $10-$15, 17+

Get Up with the Get Downs is a James Brown cover band, and all the horn players rehearse little dance moves together. Come on, that’s so cute.

Colleen Green, Upset
Beat Kitchen
Monday 4/13 at 8:30, $10 – $12, 17+

God, I fucking hate Colleen Green. She just thinks she’s so twee and clever and I hope her stupid pretty face collapses in while she’s singing her dumb crappy music. All this is probably why you like her, with her dumb little cartoons and shit.

YOU’RE A TEENAGER

Your face is full of pimples, your heart is full of angst, and your State ID won’t let you into The Bottle. What’s a little rock-n-roll baby to do? Revel in the glory of the all ages show.

Gar Gar Band, Dream Version, George John Larson
Chicago Access Network Studios, 322 S. Green St. Chicago IL
Saturday 3/28 at 3pm, Free, AA

Chic-a-go-go is for real all ages, like, there will probably be some people wearing diapers there.

ShowYouSuck, Sophagus, Tornup
Bric-a-Brac Records
Saturday 3/28 at 5:00pm, Free, AA

One-man pizza party and rapper ShowYouSuck will be bringing his posi vibes to everyone’s favorite garage rock record store.

Pity Sex, Whirr Adventures, The Weaks
Subterranean
Saturday 4/4 at 8pm, $12-$14, AA

Pity Sex were one of Store Brand Soda editor Emily’s Riot Fest favorites.

Twin Peaks, Spike & The Sweet Spots, Mike Donner
East Room
Wednesday 4/8 at 9pm, $5

Ok, this is actually a 21+ show, but if you actually like Twin Peaks you’re probably a 16 year old girl at heart.

Colleen Green, Upset
Beat Kitchen
Monday 4/13 at 8:30, $10 – $12 / 17+

Beat Kitchen is pretty good about doing 17+ and AA shows, actually.

Waxahatchee, Girl Pool
Beat Kitchen
Friday, 5/8 at 7:00pm, AA

There’s another Waxahatchee gig at The Empty Bottle for those of you who aren’t still trying to grow a little peach fuzz mustache.

FOR THE BASEMENT DWELLER

Your pants are held together by patches and you’re D-I-Y-ing until you die. These house shows will provide for your cop-hating heart. As for the location: ask a punk, punk.

My Parade, Boots, Bruised, Garbage Friends
Weenie Hut Jr’s
Saturday 3/28 at 7:00pm, $8

This is a benefit for Black & Brown Fest and Fed Up Fest! No drinking or drugs, please.

Hounds of Hate, Public Assault, The Bug, Muscles Plant
Albion Haus
Wednesday 4/1 at 7pm, $5

Not an April Fool’s joke.

Cult Leader, Hollow Earth, Angry Gods, Stay Asleep
Club Rectum
Thursday 4/2 at 7pm, $5

Email davidcollisdavidcollis@gmail.com for the address.

Violent Reaction, Arms Race, Public Assault, The Wrong, Dominadora
Old Mount Happy
Tuesday 4/7 at 7pm, $7-10

There’s a bunch of bands touring all the way from the UK, so pay what you can to support them!

Sheer Mag, Muscles Plant, Coneheads, MAMA
Albion Haus
Monday 4/13 at 8pm, $7

Sheer Mag is completely unstoppable right now and this is going to be an incredible show.

Born, Toupee, Coneheads, Dominadora
Old Mt Happy
Monday 4/27 at 8pm, $7

Born is from frigging ICELAND, dudes.

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Forever In Mean Jeans: Weekend Agenda March 12th – 14th

We get a new Mean Jeans album one week from Saturday! Their collected singles are coming out on an LP from Dirtnap, and in preparation I’m going to drink malt liquor every day to purify my body and focus on reaffirming my belief in the teachings of the Church of Mean Jeans:

1) Don’t stop partying.

2) Be tight to each other.

3. Did you stop partying while reading this? That’s bogus, and you should get back to partying.

Thursday, March 12th

Gym Shorts, Dirt Cheap Date
Bric-a-Brac Records & Collectibles, 3156 West Diversey Avenue
5:30pm / AA / BYOB

Death Injection, Abduction, Scary and the Scrapers, Ritalin OD
Old Mount Happy
7pm / $5-7 sliding scale

Archie Powell and the Exports, Me Like Bees, The Noise FM
Archie Powell’s been around for years, but at this point I think they’re gonna be “that band that did the Malort song” forever.
Emporium Arcade Bar, 1366 Milwaukee Avenue
9pm / Free / 21+

Flesh Panthers, Gym Shorts, Absolutely Not, Bihari Beach, Basement Family
DUDES I’M SO HAPPY BIHARI BEACH IS PLAYING OUT AGAIN! Those dudes are super great.
Wally World
9:05pm / BYOB / donations please / 21+

Friday, March 13th

Christines, Friendlys, Perfume, Sueves
Bric-a-Brac Records & Collectibles, 3156 West Diversey Avenue
5:30pm / AA / BYOB

Brain Tumors, Public Assault, Thumbsuckers, Udusic
Old Mount Happy
7pm / $5-7 sliding scale

Sin Orden, Scoundrel, Youth Crush, Angry Gods
Sin Orden have been around forever and it’s rad to get a chance to see them. Classic Chicago Latino hardcore in the tradition of Los Crudos.
The Friendzone
7pm / $5

The Rubs, The Fuckers, MAMA, The Obleeks
Auxiliary Art Center, 3012 West Belmont Avenue
7pm / $7 / 21+

Killermoon, Vamos, Bad Dreams
Y’all know we love Vamos.
Emporium Arcade Bar, 1366 Milwaukee Avenue
8pm / Free / 21+

Paul Cherry, Bogrot, Mope Grooves
Weirdo femme meme-artist and pop star Paul Cherry is going to be hosting a meat auction. I’m going to place the chances of some sausage-based sex act happening on stage at about one hundred percent.
Cole’s Bar, 2338 North Milwaukee Avenue
Free / 21+

Nones, Buckingham Palace SVU
This is such a weirdo loud noisey show to happen in a tiny one-room bar with no stage and free cheez poofs. Which is exactly why I want to go.
Archie’s Iowa Rockwell Tavern, 2600 West Iowa Street
10pm / Free / 21+

Saturday, March 14th

Haki, Evasive Backflip, Truman and His Trophy, Post-Child
The Flowershop
8pm / $5 / ends at midnight

Jollys, Glyders, Dumpster Babies, The Rubs, Dad Jr
South side house show fun times. Dumpster Babies are Store Brand Soda fam. Look out for ya girl having an anxiety attack in the corner because I don’t leave the house anymore.
Ratt House
8pm / Free

Yeesh, Oshwa, Advaeta, Kangaroo
Yeesh record release!
Observatory
8pm / $5

Brendan and the Black Jackets, Richard Album and the Singles, Male/Men
Male/Men is one of Magic-Ian-of-Wally-World’s five million bands. They’re pretty rad and not associated officially with the United States Postal Service.
Cole’s Bar, 2338 North Milwaukee Avenue
10pm / 21+ / Free

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Weekly Agenda: October 15th – October 18th: Tuff Meat

I bought myself tickets to the King Tuff + OBNIIIs shows as soon as they were announced, months before the new King Tuff record Black Moon Spell came out or everyone heard about the shake-ups in OBN-ville, so I’m pretty stoked about this week. I’m gonna party at those shows and then get the fuck outta Chicago for a trip to House on the Rock’s annual Halloween exhibit, Haunted House on the Rock, with Store Brand Soda co-founder Hotdish Ramone.

Don’t be mad, though; we’re not abandoning you to your own little pop punk devices. We’ve put together plenty for everyone staying in Chicago to do this weekend, including an impressive array of DIY shows + instores for those of you looking to save a little money or skate by with an expired driver’s license.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15TH

Slushy, Sneaky Creeps, Earring, Vaguewaves
Wally World
9:05pm / 21+ / Don’t be a jerk or smoke inside

Eye Vybe DJ Night
Karissa of Eye Vybe Records will be spinning some hard-hitting noise rock, psych punk, biker lounge, deep space, and power rawk.
The Owl
2521 N Milwaukee
21+ / Free

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16TH

Ultimate Painting, Negative Scanner
Permanent Records
1914 W Chicago Ave,
Chicago, IL 60622
6pm / BYOB / AA

King Tuff, Cassie Ramone, The Lemons
How are you guys feeling the new King Tuff? At first I was like “whoa, this is super overproduced; since when are there layered vocals and female backup singers on a King Tuff record?” But on subsequent listens, I decided that lofi freak-folk is overrated and I’m kind of digging the overblown T. Rex rock-n-rollness of the whole thing.
Subterranean
2011 W North Ave
17+ / $15

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 17TH

Vamos, Meatbodies
Last time I saw Meatbodies was at The Burlington. Instead of the stinky concrete bunker of a back room they played right inside the door, lit by a single heavy duty construction flashlight, against wallpaper patterned like the woods. It was incredibly loud and intimate and the drummer had a cool thrash metal thing going. My girlfriend at the time bought me a shirt that I have since lost.
Permanent Records
1914 W Chicago Ave,
Chicago, IL 60622
6pm / BYOB / AA

Hunters
Bric-a-Brac Records
3156 W Diversey, Chicago IL
5:30 / BYOB / AA

Peekaboos, Bad Bad Meow, Glad Rags, Elusive Backflip
Multikulti
1000 North Milwaukee Avenue
21+ / $7

Unmanned Ship, Beth Israel, Mumblr, Vamos
VAMOS IS SO GOOD YOU GUYS, THEY ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL LIKE MY PANTS AREN’T TIGHT ENOUGH
Wally World
9:05pm / Donations

OBNIIIs, Meatbodies, Hunters
Word is that Austin’s Orville Bateman Neeley III kicked everybody out of the band and it’s a whole new line-up and a whole new sound and they’re not going to play any of their old songs so don’t ask? We’ll see, I guess.
The Empty Bottle
1035 N. Western Ave
21+ / $10

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 18TH

Gringo Starr, Slushy, Juicy James
Juicy James is one of the many pseudonyms of James from The Lemons/Todayshits/etc, who wrote the song I get in my head whenever I eat pizza for the fifth time in a week (“every day I eat ya, pizza, pizza, pizza.”)
Bric-a-Brac Records
3156 W Diversey, Chicago IL
4:00pm / BYOB / AA

Apache Dropout, The Sueves, Son of a Gun
Apache Dropout has a song about Archie (like, the redhead from Riverdale) as the leader of an undead army of zombies, so that’s pretty much all you need to know about them.
Cole’s Bar
2338 N Milwaukee Ave
Free / 21+

Van Buren, The Flaccids, Ezra Furman, Bloodhype, Bricklayers Foundation
Help Fury Frat House raise money to repair their PA and soundproof their basement!
Fury Frat House
Armitage+Whipple / Ask a Punk / Donations

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Weekend Agenda: Kegs & Cassettes

Friday, September 26th

Grosse Pointe, Supermagical This kegger house show promises a HELLO KITTY MOON BOUNCE. Seriously. If “kegs of beer” and “Hello Kitty moon bounce” aren’t enough for you: we have absolutely nothing in common. All the same, hopefully performances by garage punks Grosse Pointe and The Band Formerly Known as White Gold (who recently had a run-in with a band with the same name, hence the moniker switch) are enough to sweeten the deal for your miserable, fun-hating heart. Bring $5 for a bottomless solo cup and don’t puke in the moon bounce, jerk.
Ask a Punk for Location
9pm / $5

Hotlips Messiah, Mac Blackout Band, Ufux, Vortex, Potlucks
Two Mac Blackout bands on one bill? HARDEST WORKING MAN IN SHOW BUSINESS RIGHT HERE, PEOPLE.
Township, 2200 North California Avenue
21+ / $5

Chicago Singles Club Presents: Cassettes on Tape, Hollow Mountain, BIGJOY
Once a month, CSC produces an exclusive, original recording and video interview with a different independent Chicago artist. Also once a month, they host a night at Cole’s where some of their faves perform. We’re big Hollow Mountain fans over here at Store Brand Soda, so go check em the fuck out!
Cole’s Bar, 2338 N Milwaukee Ave
21+ / free

CLICK HERE FOR SATURDAY & SUNDAY’S SCHEDULE

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