Show Horoscope is our regular feature where I peer deeply into a crystal ball and predict what shows you should go to based on your personality, interests, and identity. It’s also where I make a bunch of dumb jokes and talk about the shows I’m really excited about.

Remember, Chicago Summer Psych Fest and Black and Brown Punk Show are both coming up as well!

NOBUNNY LOVES YOU, BUT YOU LOVE GARAGE-N-B

Image from the Bruiser Queen “In Your Room” video

Like 60s girl groups rising from the grave cloaked in tattoos and jean vests, contemporary garage groups that spangle classic rhythm-and-blues and doo wop influences with snotty lyrics and guitar pedal fuzz are this generation’s answer to the classic Brill Building sound.

Bruiser Queen, Swimsuit Addition
I caught Bruiser Queen during Bitchfest at Young Camelot last week, and I was shocked that they’re not more well-known or popular. Embodying the same throwback garage pop sound that’s brought moderately-major label success to many of their peers, the relatively under-the-radar St. Louis duo manages to use infectious, relentless energy (and a well-utilized array of pedals) to create a much fuller sound than your usual two-piece. If I had money to bet on a band blowing up, they’d be on my shortlist; take advantage of the opportunity to see them for fairly a low price at a fairly chill venue.
Beat Kitchen, 2100 West Belmont Avenue
Thu, September 3, 9pm / $8 / 17+

Shannon and the Clams, Shopping
Did anyone else pick up the recent-ish Guantanamo Baywatch/Shannon and the Clams 7″ off Suicide Squeeze? The Baywatch track, Love Kin, was a country-inflected precursor to their new Darling…It’s Too Late LP, a departure from the acid-soaked surf punk of their debut, Chest Crawl. The Shannon and the Clams track, Mama, on the other hand, is a howling, desperate plea for redemption; the plaintive refrain “Can I come home again?” echoes in my head on the daily.
Subterranean, 2011 West North Avenue
Sat, October 24, 10pm / 17+ / $10 / $12

The King Khan and BBQ Show, Milk Lines
The caped King Khan brings his solo, Shrines-backed antics to town much more often then he brings longtime collaborator Mark Sultan; don’t miss the rare chance to see the two in tandem.
Subterranean, 2011 West North Avenue
Fri, November 20, 9pm / 17+ / $20

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

Mystery Actions play Girls Rock! Chicago

I couldn’t figure out how to group all these shows together other than to say that they’re completely unmissable.

Sheer Mag, Royal Headache, Daylight Robbery, Storm Clouds
Remember when we drove up to Milwaukee to see Sheer Mag and their van broke down outside Minneapolis? WE FINALLY GET TO SEE THEM!!!
The Empty Bottle, 1035 North Western Avenue
Sat, August 15, 9pm / $8 / $10 / 21+

UFUX, Veil Vitric, The Coldies
Ufux are abrasive punk weirdos who don’t play that often anymore. Catch this like a cold.
The Mutiny, 2428 North Western Avenue
Sat, August 15, 9pm / free / 21+

Mystery Actions, Dirt Cheap Date, Dumpster Babies
Mystery Actions and Dumpster Babies are both friends of SBS and totally rad! Mystery Actions are the kind of mean-mugging femme punk babes who look like they could kill you with a look, when in fact they’re total dears who once played a bake sale benefit I organized. I also saw them play to a ton of enthusiastic little proto-punks at Girls Rock! Chicago day camp. Dumpster Babies are dippy, sweet, garage punk cuties who love catchy choruses and arguing with each other between songs.
East Room, 2828 West Medill Avenue
Wed, August 19, 9pm / free / 21+

La Luz, Today’s Hits
Sick surf riffs and the rising, foamy swell and recess of lovely harmonies; La Luz is a beachside daydream.
The Empty Bottle, 1035 North Western Avenue
Sat, September 5, 9pm / 21+ / $10

Cococoma, Ultimate Painting
YOU GUYS. AJ COZZI IS MOVING AWAY. COCOCOMA ISN’T PLAYING ANY MORE SHOWS. LIKE, FOR REAL THIS TIME. Please come comfort me as I quietly weep into a Tiger.
The Empty Bottle, 1035 North Western Avenue
Thu, September 10, 9pm / 21+ / $10

YOU’RE TOO CUTE TO PUKE

Cherry Lemonade Split Tape Art by Weston Getto Allen

A buddy of mine recently slid into my DMs to tell me that the Mika Miko song Too Cute to Puke reminded them of me, which is possibly the best compliment I’ve ever received. If you, too, are too cute to puke, you might like some of these shows, which showcase some of the softer and more kawaii side of rock without being completely defanged.

The Peekaboos, Bad Bad Meow, The Bribes, Donkey Hotel
The Peekaboos have got posi vibes for days. You can read an interview with them over at Loud Loop Press!
The Hideout, 1354 West Wabansia Avenue
Thu, August 13, 9pm / $8 / 21+

Paul Cherry, The Lemons
Chicago’s cuddliest lofi pop cuties are celebrating the release of their limited edition “Cherry Lemonade” tape with a free release show at The Whistler.
The Whistler, 2421 North Milwaukee Avenue
Sun, August 16, 9pm / free / 21+

The Peekaboos, The Avantist, Evasive Backflip
Kitten whiskers! You missed that Peekaboos show at The Hideout! Thankfully, they’re also playing a free Monday at The Bottle.
The Empty Bottle, 1035 North Western Avenue
Mon, August 24, 9pm / 21+ / $5

Glamour Hotline, Not 4 U, Wad, Belly Belt
Pinky Swear is the cutest DIY venue in Chicago, hands down.
Pinky Swear
Fri, August 28, 8pm / bring $ for donation

Fitness, The Please & Thank Yous, Ditch Club
The Please & Thank Yous are a fourth-wave emo band whose videos are full of twinkling Christmas lights. That is cute as fuck, yo.
The Burlington, 3425 West Fullerton Avenue
Fri, September 4, 8:30pm / $5 / 21+

YOU LIVE IN A TRASH CAN

Cotillion EP cover art

You’re broke. You love filth and trash. You come alive in mildewing basements. This isn’t strictly a list of free shows, or DIY shows, or bands playing that have a darker, more discordant edge; it’s a curated collection of all of the above, delivered hot and steaming to your dumpster doorstep.

Nots, Running
This is tonight, and The Reader beat me to writing about it. Y’all like noise punk and free shit? Thought so.
The Owl, 2521 North Milwaukee Avenue
Thu, August 13, 10pm / free / 21+

Burning Ponies, Creature from Dell Pond, Imelda Marcos, The Curls
I had a chance to meet the Dollhouse denizens the other day and they’re great people. Don’t fuck up their living room, trash ball.
The Dollhouse DIY (new location)
Sat, August 15, 8pm

Swells, Cochina, Cotillion, TBA
As Monica from Cochina says, “If you’re into punk and wanna hear me scream in both english and spanish about how much I hate the police and white saviors, you should come out, support us and have a good time!”
Weenie Hut Jr’s
Tue, August 18, 7pm / $5 /no drinking / no drugs / no phobes / email prairiesmokerecords@gmail.com for address

Funerary, Ooze, Disrotted
Sludge and doom metal in a room that generally smells terrible.
The Burlington, 3425 W Fullerton
Wed, August 19, 9pm / 21+ / usually $5 – $10

Baja & the Blasters, Soy Babies, Bitchin Reality
For years now, I’ve been planning to start a band called The Baja Blasts. Our gimmick is that we would throw hardshell tacos and fire sauce packets into the crowd while screaming lyrics about stoner food unintelligibly. This Denton, Texas band has basically laid waste to all those dreams. Now what am I gonna be when I grow up?
Albion Haus
Wed, September 9, 7pm / $5

YOU’RE A BABY PUNK

Being punk is in your heart, not in a number on your birth certificate. These aren’t all the all ages shows happening int he next few months (check our calendar for that), but they’re our top picks.

A quick note: when I was a budding teen punk, mailordering records from the Lookout! Records catalog and obsessing over powerviolence bands on Slap a Ham, fanzines were invaluable to me. There’s no age limit on reading, and they fit neatly into your textbooks. I can’t recommend my buddy Ray Suburbia’s new project No Friends enough, no matter what your age is. You can download Issue 0 for free; and keep an eye out for #1; it should be released soon, and it even comes with a split flexi from Lumpy and the Dumpers/Ausmuteants.

Den, Rumores, Cracked Vessel
Whoa, super loud noise punk and free donuts…in the middle of the day…in a library?!?!? I REALLY LOVE THIS CITY SOMETIMES, Y’ALL. This show is open to everyone, but the organizers have made sure to note that teenagers, who often don’t have access to shows like this, are extra welcome. The library is also fully accessible for those who use mobility devices; you can read a lot more about the importance of accessibility at music venues over at Is This Venue Accessible.
West Town Public Library, 1625 West Chicago Avenue
1:30pm at Sat, August 29 / AA / donations for bands appreciated

Lala Lala, KO
Lala Lala recently got written up in The Tribune. Lucky for you, it hasn’t gone to their heads, and you can still see them play for free at my personal favorite record store for in-stores.
saki, 3716 West Fullerton Avenue
Sat, August 29, 4pm / free / AA

Killer Moon, Vincas
P-Rex just announced a bunch of instores without specifying what time they are, so stay tuned for details!
Permanent Records, 1914 West Chicago Avenue
Sat, September 5 / Time TBA / usually around 2pm or 5pm / free / AA

Crosss, Carbonleak
P-Rex just announced a bunch of instores without specifying what time they are, so stay tuned for details!
Permanent Records, 1914 West Chicago Avenue
Sun, September 13/ Time TBA / usually around 2pm or 5pm / free / AA

The Funs, TBA
P-Rex just announced a bunch of instores without specifying what time they are, so stay tuned for details!
Permanent Records, 1914 West Chicago Avenue
Fri, September 25 / Time TBA / usually 5pm or 6pm / free / AA

Weekend Nachos, Full of Hell, Extortion, Sin Orden, Youth Crisis
This is a particularly small and intimate venue for punk/metal powerviolence powerhouse Weekend Nachos, and they’re letting the kids in to get their smooth, hairless faces melted off. Don’t miss openers Sin Orden, a legendary Latinx hardcore band following in the tradition of Los Crudos.
Township, 2200 North California Avenue
Tue, October 13, 6pm / AA / $10